


Hello Darkness

by SequoiaLane



Category: Wynonna Earp - Fandom
Genre: Addiction, Angst, Drug Addiction, F/F, Graphic Violence, Nicole is a mess, Redemption, Suicidal Thoughts, Waverly’s past, Wayhaught - Freeform, nicole haught - Freeform, things are going wrong
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-17
Updated: 2020-04-17
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:07:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23695927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SequoiaLane/pseuds/SequoiaLane
Summary: It happened all at once. It was a tidal wave of toxic behavior and Nicole didn’t know how to stop it. Waverly dumped her, Nedley fired her, and Wynonna hated her so much she wouldn’t even look at her. Maybe the supernatural adventures had gotten too much for her, maybe her decisions leading up to all this was a direct result of just being too weak to keep up.
Relationships: Waverly Earp & Nicole Haught, Waverly Earp/Nicole Haught, Wynonna Earp/Doc Holliday
Comments: 10
Kudos: 66





	1. Nicole

**Hello Darkness**

Rated M: for drug use

Summary: 

It happened all at once. It was a tidal wave of toxic behavior and Nicole didn’t know how to stop it. Waverly dumped her, Nedley fired her, and Wynonna hated her so much she wouldn’t even look at her. Maybe the supernatural adventures had gotten too much for her, maybe her decisions leading up to all this was a direct result of just being too weak to keep up. 

* * *

**4am.**

“Haught! Grab it!” Wynonna yelled, pointing at peacemaker that lay a few feet away on the floor of the abandoned warehouse. A revenant had the older Earp in a headlock, her face turning purple as sweat trickled down her forehead. 

Nicole clambers after the gun, the slick red from her head wound dripped to the floor and her vision blurred in and out. As her fingers wrapped around the barrel of peacemaker, her eyes catch Waverly crumpled in the corner. She lay unconscious with a pool of blood beneath her. Nicole’s vision blurred once again, nausea rocking through her gut. 

“Nicole!” Wynonna’s voiceless strained as it cut through the room and the officer shook her head, trying to clear away the fog. She slid peacemaker to Wynonna, who caught it with her shoe. Skillfully, the brunette kicked it up and into her hands before bringing the gun to the Revenants forehead. 

“Fuck you!” She choked out and pulled the trigger. 

The revenant disappeared within the fiery depths of hell, his screams causing Nicole to grip her head in pain. Her ears rang, her head ached, and suddenly she was so tired that she couldn’t open her eyes. 

“Haught. Nicole, get up.”

“It hurts.” She groaned.

“Waverly needs medical attention, we have to get out of her before more revenants come.” 

Nicole’s whole body felt like she was under water. They’ve been stalking this warehouse out for 6 days and she’s been awake the whole time, only nibbling on granola bars and surviving off coffee and some other things she had found in the sheriff's evidence locker...She couldn’t move, she couldn’t think.

“Nicole! Please, please get up.” 

“Wynonna!” Doc's gruff voice was frantic, his heavy footsteps vibrated Nicole’s cheek against the floor and she groaned in pain.

“Doc, help me. Grab Nicole, I need to get Waverly help.”

She felt her body being lifted and her bones creaked in protest. A sharp pain rocked through her torso indicating broken ribs. Her head lulled to Docs chest and his skin was warm enough that she imagined she was in bed under all of Waverly’s bonus blankets. She was asleep before she knew it.

  
  
  


* * *

**2 weeks earlier.**

It was late, 2am maybe, but who knows. She had been sitting in the car behind the station for hours just trying to keep breathing. She had pulled a double at the station working with Nedley on finally canning a local burglar, and before that, dealing with some supernatural Earp Drama, they had killed at least 4 revenants, but at what cost? None of them were important, just townies causing problems that local law would be able to handle. But Wynonna insisted, anything to end the curse as soon as possible. 

She lost count of the days she had been awake, and today she made a really stupid decision. 

_ During her last hour of her shift, her head was killing her. Coffee had lost its effects and Nedley said he kept a big bottle of Tylenol in his coat near the evidence locker. As Nicole stumbled over, she eyed the bags of narcotics and speed on the shelves inside. They had just done inventory, it would be okay to take a couple adderall, right? She could try and replace them later or maybe let someone else take the fall.  _

_ The redhead huffed at the thought, sleep deprivation was causing impulsive thoughts and she quickly grabbed the Tylenol and stalked back to her desk.  _

_ A few moments later, Nedley grabs his Stetson and coat, he tips his hat to her and thanks her for pulling the double. He grumbled about how useless Lonnie has become and left Nicole to finish up some paperwork before the next cop came to relieve her of the night.  _

_ The clock ticked and ticked, the last 30 minutes of her shift were dragging and her headache made it hard to think. Signing her name on the last document in her paperwork, she tucked it away into the folder and filed it away. Her eyes glanced over to the evidence locker once more.  _

In her car, with the last shred of energy she could muster she texted Waverly. 

Nicole 2:35am: are you awake

She leaned her head back into the seat as she waited for a reply. Her heart was racing, her body completely exhausted but her mind was going in circles.

Waverly 2:40am: I am now. Are you just now getting off, baby?

Nicole 2:41am: I’m so tired, Waves. I can hardly drive. I don’t think i can come over, I’m going to sleep in the break room. 

Her phone rang with a shrill and it startled Nicole. She dropped her phone on the floor mat and she fished for it. 

Waverly was calling. 

“Hello?” She mumbles once she finally got her phone. 

“Baby, let me come get you.”

“It’s okay, the precinct is empty and I’m sure Nedley wouldn’t mind.”

“Nicole Railegh Haught, i am not going to let you sleep on some cot with a pillow and blanket that probably hasn’t been washed in months.”

Irritation tickled Nicole’s belly, she breathed deeply through her nose, her eyes squeezed tightly shut. 

“By the time you drive here I’ll be passed out. I can’t even move, Waverly.”

“Please.” Waverly practically whispered. 

“Okay.” Nicole relented. “See you soon.” 

She hung up and closed her eyes. She didn’t know why she was feeling so agitated. Lack of sleep maybe? Or maybe it was the adderall she took an hour ago. 

“Stupid” she said to herself.   
  


She must have fallen asleep, the next thing she knows Waverly is knocking softly on the cruiser window, her small frame bundled in a large coat, her head covered in a fur hood. Nicole grabbed her phone and opened the door, she groaned as she stood and Waverly gingerly took her arm and led her to the passenger side. When the small brunette leaned in to buckle her in, Nicole grabbed her wrist to stop her. 

“I can do it.”

“Okay grumpy face.” Waverly giggled slightly but her brow furrowed afterwards in either concern or annoyance.

The ride to the homestead was quiet, Waverly hummed to the radio as it played lowley and Nicole squeezes her eyes shut once more, willing herself to stay calm. The irritation tickled her belly once more and the fact that she couldn’t figure out  _ why _ she was so irritated made her even  _ more _ irritated. When they pulled into the gravel drive of the homestead Waverly lowered the volume to the radio even more. They parked and the small brunette looked to her girlfriend, whose eyes were shut so tight it causes wrinkles to form on her brow. 

“Baby, you’re off tomorrow right? You can sleep in and I’ll make you breakfast.”

The thought of food made her stomach coil and she swallowed the saliva in her mouth. 

“Okay.” She said simply. 

Inside the homestead, Nicole collapsed on Waverly’s bed and fell asleep almost instantly. 

Waverly sat beside her, brushing the oily hair from her face and frowned at the dark circles under her eyes. She gently took off her boots, and laid Nicole’s jacket over the chair at her desk. Laying down next to her, gentle as to not wake her, she closed her own eyes and waited for slumber. 

The first thing Nicole noticed upon waking the next morning was the soft plush comforter of Waverly’s bed. She curled into it, sliding her foot over to the cool side of the bed and contemplated allowing herself a little more sleep. Just as she began to drift, the smell of pancakes and eggs wafted up the staircase and she made her decision to finally get up. 

She padded quietly into the bathroom across the hall, avoiding the mirror and stripping herself from her uniform that she slept in. Turning the shower knob to the hottest setting, she stepped in and let the steaming water wash away her exhaustion. She felt much better, her mind had quieted and her limbs didn’t feel as leaden as last night. She quickly washed her body and borrowed Waverly’s fancy face wash, scrubbing away the dirt and oil. As the grime washed down the shower drain, natural energy came back to her. 

“ _ An added boost wouldn’t be bad.”  _ She thought. 

  
  
  


“Good morning.” Nicole says softly as she walks into the kitchen. 

Waverly turns from the stove and smiles at her before plucking a piece of cooling fake bacon from the plate on the counter and passing it to her girlfriend. Nicole chews on it, watching as slender fingers pour her a cup of coffee before shooing her to the kitchen table. 

“Waverly I’m sorry about last night.” 

The youngest Earp shakes her head as she walks towards the seated redhead with a plate of food. “Don’t apologize, you were just tired.”

Nicole grabs her wrist much like she did last night but kissed the inside of it and looked up at the hazel eyes of what she was sure was an angel. “I’m still sorry, though.” 

“I forgive you. My best baby just works so hard.” Waverly cooes, kissing her cheek and walking to grab her own plate before sitting down. They enjoy a quiet breakfast, before Wynonna walks stiffly into the homestead. 

“Hey asshole, wanna explain why Nedley is blaming me for stealing some pills from the evidence locker?”

Nicole choked on her bite of egg and took a large sip of coffee to wash it down. 

“Wynonna-“

“I’m an alcoholic, not a pill head.”

“Wynonna!” Waverly exclaims. 

“Didn’t you know, babygirl? Your beau is a junkie.”

“I’m not a fucking junkie, Wynonna.”

Waverly looks at her girlfriend, looking over her face and swallowing before asking, “what is she talking about Nicole?”

Nicole leans in the chair, avoiding eye contact from both Earp’s. She thinks of the one adderall she swallowed last night, the 15 others she stashed in her coat pocket and the one she swallowed after her shower. 

“Well?” Wynonna says impatiently. 

Nicole opens her mouth to explain but ends up resembling a fish. She looked to Wynonna who raised a brow at her, her face was hard and unreadable. Waverly stands up and kneels in front of Nicole, she gently lays her hands on her thighs. 

“Nicole, talk to me. What’s going on?” 

“She’s a thief and a pill head, Waves-“

“Wynonna, shut up for one second okay!?”

Waverly watches Wynonna huff and she pulls a chair from the table roughly, sitting in it backwards, her glare pointed at Nicole. 

“I’m sorry,” Nicole starts. “I just needed the boost. I’m so tired all the time, Waverly.” Tears begin to form in Nicole’s eyes and she blinks them away the best she could, one rebel tear escaping and trailing down a blushing cheek.

“How many did you steal?” Waverly asks gently.

“Just a couple.”

“Nedley counted them Nicole, you took like 17.”

Waverly threw her a look before watching as Nicole’s breathing sped up.

“I took them so i could be more helpful on stake outs, so i could stay up after a shift and help you guys.”

Waverly stood and grabbed Nicole’s face, forcing her to look at her. “You are more than helpful Nicole, you have been so useful to our team, to our family.”

Nicole shook her head as more tears fell. “Not enough. Never enough. Your sister makes that more than clear, everytime i get in the way or distract you.”

Waverly looks to Wynonna who actually looks a bit guilty. She covers it up quickly and stands up as well. 

“Don’t blame your bad decisions on me. Nedley tried to fire me until he checked the security cameras. You could have really screwed this up for me, Haught.”

With wide eyes Nicole stands up and the chair falls. “He checked the cameras?” 

“He wants to see you in his office after he takes his lunch, be there at 4.” With one final look to her sister, Wynonna grabs her leather jacket and stalks out the door, slamming it on her way out. 

Nicole didn’t have the chutzpah to stay and face Waverly, instead she gathered her jacket and boot as her girlfriend begged her to stay. The speed in her system made her chest hurt, or maybe that was the panic of knowing that Nedley was about to actually fire her. She could feel the disappointment radiate from the smaller girl who begged and begged, and the once cozy feel to the homestead now became suffocating. 

“Please baby, I’m not mad. I just want to understand, to help you.” Waverly was openly crying at this point, her own chest tightening at the thought of losing Nicole: whether it be to pills, or by the girls in volition. 

“I need some air.” Nicole mumbles as she throws the jacket over herself and closes the door on Waverly. 

The panic was overwhelming and she stumbled outside and all the way to the driveway before realizing she didn’t have her cruiser. 

“Fuck it”

She started walking. It would take a good 1 and 10 minutes to get into town by foot, and it would give her just enough time to think about all the bullshit that was about to happen. 

The sun was shining, making it an easier trek. Even with the snow on the ground beneath her, there was little wind and zero overcast. She thanked whatever gods there were. About 29 minutes into her walk, Wynonna pulled to a sudden stop beside her. She had Waverly’s Jeep but there was no sign of the little brunette anywhere. 

“Get in”

“I shouldn’t”

“Don’t be a martyr. Get in so i can apologize without someone hearing.”

Nicole watched as icy blue eyes looked at her. No disgust on her face like there was this morning, just curiosity and maybe some guilt. Though the latter was masked well. She climbed into the Jeep, buckling herself in and bracing for the onslaught of questions. 

They began driving, slower than the legal limit and Nicole suspects it's to lengthen the trip. 

“Just say it, Wynonna.” Nicole says after a beat too long of silence. 

“I don’t think i have to. You know you messed up.”

Nicole takes a few breaths, her heart rate hasn’t felt normal in days. Always too fast, like a hummingbird. 

“I’m scared.”

“Are you an addict?” Wynonna asks suddenly 

“No. This is literally like...the only time I’ve ever tried speed pills and I hate it. I want to puke, and sleep, but i can’t. It’s like my body is slower than my mind and it’s the most unsettling feeling I’ve ever experienced”

Nicole watches Wynonna drive, her eyes never leaving the icy roads of purgatory. The air inside the Jeep is hot, too hot, and Nicole rolls her window down slightly. She didn’t want this, she doesn’t even know why she took the pills. There was always a better option than what she decided and the pain in her chest intensifies, only this time she knew it was her heart breaking from the choices she made. Wynonna took a deep breath through her nose and let it out slowly through her mouth.

“I think you’re going to be fired.”

The redhead closed her eyes, willing tears to stay inside her skull.

“I think you need a break anyways and this is the perfect opportunity. No more double shifts, no more sleep deprivation. No more revenants and near death experiences.”

“Wait what?” Nicole sputtered, she couldn’t possibly be saying-

“You’re done, Nic. You need a break.”

“I don’t want a break, Wynonna! Not from the curse, please! I need to be there for Waverly!”

Wynonna let out a harsh laugh. 

“Waverly will be just fine, Haught. She’s stronger than you think.”

“No that’s not what i meant-“

“I need you to leave my sister alone for a while. You need to sort your shit out. Sleep, eat, drink some fucking water.” 

“Leave her alone?” Nicole’s mind was spinning, her gut was tightening to a painful extent and she suddenly couldn’t get enough oxygen

“Yes, leave her alone. You realize our Daddy was an alcoholic, but did you know he was also a pill head? Practically cleared out the evidence locker the day he was fired. He got so fucking tweaked out, almost beat Waverly to death.”

Nicole froze at this info, Waverly never told her that.

Wynonna continued. “Wanna know the fucked up part? Waverly thought him beating the shit out of her was better than being ignored. She craved that bastards attention, practically instigating his rage just so he’d look at her.”

“Stop!” 

Wynonna shut her mouth, her teeth clicking. She had gone too far, she knew it. But Nicole needed a fucking reality check. 

The Jeep rolled into town right then, and Wynonna pulled into shortys. She finally looked to Nicole, giving her a once over.

“I’m sorry it’s come to this. Get out.”

Nicole quickly opened the Jeep door and jumped out, her feet barely hitting the snow covered pavement before the Jeep peeled out and drove away. Wynonna didn’t even go into shortys. 

The thought made Nicole want to dry heave. 

She looked to the sheriff's station down the road, noticing Nedley's cruiser was gone, probably still at lunch. She began walking towards the station and shoved her hands in her coat pocket, feeling the heaviness of the pills in her palm. 

_ “Let’s get this over with”  _ she thought, before pulling the door and stepping inside. 

  
  
  
  
  



	2. Cut Throat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the kudos and comments, it’s super encouraging when i receive feedback so please keep at it!! This story has been really easy to write which is saying something as a writer, and i hope you enjoy reading as much as i have been enjoying creating it. 
> 
> Please note that this chapter is FULL of triggers regarding suicidal thoughts and past self harm. This will be the only warning you get, proceed with caution.

**Hello Darkness**

**Chapter 2: CutThroat**

**Rated M: suicidal ideation, suicide attempt, mental illness, drug use, hurt/comfort**

* * *

As a young girl, the thought of a loveless life plagued her thoughts like poison. The idea that nobody could ever want her was the worst thing in the world. It was a reality though. With a father who never paid any attention to her, two sisters whose lives were framed around a curse and a home that never felt like she belonged to, it was a poison that ran through her veins making her blood boil hot and rancid. 

Ward Earp was never meant to be a father and he knew it, and he made sure his daughters knew it too. 

Willa, the oldest of the three, was the heir, the only love she felt from her father was only based on the fact that she would one day take over the family burden. The curse. 

God it was almost laughable. This curse has isolated her small family and made it so nobody would even look at them when they went to town. Whispers and sneers followed them and for Willa it was a power play. They all thought the Earp’s were insane, but she knew better. The Earp’s held the power, the Earp’s were the only ones keeping these small town hicks from being raped and murdered by demons. 

For Wynonna, a middle child stuck in a family of delinquents, it was hard to discern what was real and what was folklore. She knew demons couldn’t be real, but the stakes in her back yard featuring the heads of men with red eyes and vascular lines running across their faces could only mean that the curse was very real and very scary. Daddy wouldn’t display these corpses if they weren’t bad men. But daddy was a bad man, and Wynonna wondered if one day she would find out he was a demon too and she would have to stick a sharpened plank of wood through the bottom of his head. 

Those thoughts scared her. And she found herself spiraling deeper and deeper into the dark depths of her mind as Ward described the carnage these demons did to the young women and men of Purgatory. 

The only thing keeping her here, and sane, we’re the wide hazel eyes of a toddler. The little girl had no one to feed her, bathe her, or kiss her as the nightmares followed her even in slumber. Waverly was her saving grace, she was the only tie Wynonna had to the purity of this world. 

In Waverly’s malleable mind, she was the reason for Wynonna's downfall. The guilt of being alive and somebody needing taken care of during these tough times for her family was enough to spark her first suicide attempt at the age of 8. 

Willa was working in the barn with Ward that day, target practice with a line up of cans atop the fence of their property. Waverly looked for Wynonna as the thoughts of self harm swirled in her brain. The little girl knew these thoughts were bad, she knew she needed to find help, but Wynonna was nowhere to be found. 

So she locked herself in the bathroom, gripping her father's extra razor as the sound of muffled gunshots filled the air. She looked at the sharpened razor, her reflection in the metal mocking her as tears flowed freely down her cheeks. 

_ “Do it.” _ the voices mocked

_ “Nobody needs a little brat to look after her. There are demons on the loose.”  _

_ “Do it, before they feed you to the bad men.” _

She didn’t expect the pain as she dragged the blade down her arm, she didn’t expect the skin and muscle to fall away layer by layer. 

And she didn’t expect the blood to instantly pool around her as she began to feel too dizzy to find a towel. 

_ “I hope i don’t make a big mess.” _ She thought, as she slowly lost control of her arms and blacked out. 

It wasn’t long after that Wynonna found her. She had just gotten back from Gus Mccready's house, begging the woman to take Waverly under her wing and save her from the curse when she heard a muffled sob coming from behind the rotting wood of the bathroom door. 

* * *

  
But now, as Waverly sits at her kitchen table at the age of 19, she begins to feel those thoughts creeping up again. Nicole walked out, she stole pills, and then just  _ left _ when she was asked about it. 

Was it that simple? To leave as she cried and begged the only person she’s ever truly loved to  _ stay _ . 

“ _ She obviously never really loved you.” _

_ “It was too easy, she walked out completely unaffected.” _

_ “When was the last time she even touched you? You repulse her.” _

“Enough!” Hands slammed against the table and the sting in her palm was enough to clear the voices, though the sickening feeling of their words lingered. Her breath was unsteady and harsh as she quickly stood from the table. 

The half eaten plates from breakfast remained untouched as she grabbed her jacket and walked out the front door to see her Jeep pulling back into the drive, Waverly watched confused as Wynonna parked it and jumped out and walked towards her. 

“Where is she?” Waverly asked.

Wynonna avoided her stare for a moment, kicking a frozen rock and watching as it ricocheted off a post that held the porch upright. 

“Wynonna…”

“She’s at the station. Probably getting canned as we speak.”

Waverly swallowed thickly and Wynonna finally looked at her younger sister. Waverly’s face was contorted in a look of despair that resembled the look she gave Wynonna as she was hauled into a white van and taken to the first psych ward at the age of 13. The look sent chills down Wynonna’s spine and she willed herself to stay strong for her favorite person in the entire world. 

“Is she coming back? I can make lunch for her, she barely ate breakfast-“

“No, babygirl. She’s not coming back.”

“Tomorrow?” 

She sounded desperate, she knew she did. The bile in her throat that sat like lead when Wynonna first walked in this morning was quickly making its way up.

“She’s not coming back. She needs a break, she needs to figure some stuff out.”

“But-“

“And don’t you dare go look for her, we did this to her, Waverly. We brought her into our mess of a life and we need to help her find herself again. We need to give her space.”

Waverly’s face crumpled and let her tears fall, not bothering to wipe them away. She looked to Wynonna and saw the finality in her face, she knew better than to go against her sister, and if what she was saying held any ounce of truth, the only thing she could do was give Nicole space and hopefully she would come back to her. With a short nod Waverly went back inside and up the stairs to her bedroom, shutting the door softly before collapsing against it. 

Downstairs, Wynonna finally huffed and looked to the sky, trying to fight her own tears that pooled in her eyes. This was Nicole, she'd never admit it but the redhead had quickly wormed her way into the stoic brunette's heart, nestling deep into the muscle and making a home there. Nicole was her best friend, and they were  _ going _ to figure it out.   


* * *

  
The station was quiet when she walked in. Lonnie sat at the desk and threw her a casual wave and it unsettled her. He must not  _ know.  _ She made her way to her desk and pulled her gun and her badge out of her uniform. She sat them down carefully, making sure Lonnie hadn’t noticed before opening her top drawer and pulling out some of her belongings. She fit what she could into her jacket, making sure to grab the small jewelry box hidden in the secret compartment in the bottom drawer. She stashed it quickly, not wanting to look at it too long and quickly scribbled out a note and leaving it on her desk. She briskly walked out of the door, not sparing Lonnie a glance and walked the short distance to her apartment. 

When she got there, she found her house keys and let herself in. Calamity Jane mewed annoyedly at her, her food dish was half empty. 

Nicole numbly fed Calamity, her body working on autopilot as she worked her way through her house, packing a small duffel bag with a few loose t shirts and 2 pairs of jeans. She grabbed some bathroom essentials and Calamity’s bag of food before going back outside and loading up the small rundown Buick she bought when she first rolled into town. 

After grabbing a pillow from her bed and the throw blanket that lay on the couch she leaned her exhausted body against the kitchen doorway and watched her ginger cat finish eating. When then feline began licking and smacking her mouth to indicate she was done eating her lunch, Nicole scooped her into her arms and went back out to the car, she sat Jane in the passenger seat and started the car before slowly backing out of the driveway in her apartment complex and down the road, towards purgatory city limits.

* * *

Nedley strolled into the station, a fast food bag swinging in his hand, as he passed Lonnie’s desk he laid the bag down and started his way towards his office with a sigh, the impending meeting with Nicole weighing heavy on his mind. 

“Hey boss, Haught came through.” 

Nedley stopped and looked back at his deputy. 

“Is she waiting in the lobby? I didn’t see her.”

“Nah, she grabbed something from her desk and left in a hurry. She’s off today, right?”

Nedley walked briskly to Nicole’s desk and he let out a harsh breath when he laid eyes on the discarded badge and gun. He then saw a small note next to her computer, Nicole’s handwriting was hurried and sloppy. 

_ “Nedley, _

_ I know what you’re going to say and I’ll save you from having to say it. I’m sorry. I won’t come around, I won't cause any more trouble.  _

_ I didn’t mean to disappoint you, _

_ Nicole”   
  
_

Sheriff Nedley was a man of few words, he spent his life caring for his own daughter the best he could after Chrissy’s mom passed away. He was stoic, who took pride in his ability to hold it together when times get tough…

But this was  _ Nicole _ . 

This was the little girl he saved almost 20 years ago, her red hair stuck to her tear stained cheeks. Her wild eyes unable to focus or absorb the brutality she witnessed of Bulshars slaughter. The little girl who turned into such a strong woman, who now that he thinks of it, was struggling these past few weeks. 

He would be a fool to say he didn’t notice the dark circles she sported under her eyes, or the way her jaw seemed clenched at all times of the day. 

But he is a fool, because even though he noticed he didn’t even ask her if she was okay. 

So the man of few words and a stoic face, let himself feel the guilt. 

Nedley ignored Lonnie’s curious gaze and walked to his office, shutting the door behind him. He took off his stetson and reached for the phone. He wanted to call her, tell her he wasn’t disappointed and that he just wants to figure out what went wrong- but he couldn’t. She made her choice. 

His fingers dialed a familiar number.

“Hello?” 

“Wynonna...you with Haught?”

There was a pause on the line. 

“No.” Wynonna said solemnly.

“She’s gone.” Nedley practically whispered.

Another pause. 

“Hello?” 

Waverly’s voice cut through the line frantically and Nedley shut his eyes. 

“She’s gone, Waverly. She never showed up for the meeting, just left her badge and gun.”

“Wynonna,” Waverly’s voice became muffled as she spoke to her sister, there was a break in the line and a sob was heard before Wynonna's voice came back.

“I’m going to check her apartment. She’s not in a good place, i told her to take a step back from everything going on but i didn’t think she’d bail.”

The sheriff's voice was gruff in his response. “Let me know what you find.”

The phone line cut out and he slowly hung up, he sat down at his desk and stared blankly at this computer, a stone sunk deep in his gut. 

* * *

Back at the homestead, Waverly paced the living room as Wynonna watched her wearily from the couch. The young Earp was breathing erratically but Wynonna hoped she’d wear herself out eventually. 

“Waves, things are gonna be fine. She’s probably just taken off to clear her head.”

“She left me, she doesn’t want me Wynonna. I brought her too much baggage, you said it yourself, we did this to her.”

“I was wrong.”

“She doesn’t want me!”

Waverly’s breathing increased and Wynonna stood up and grabbed her arms, her thumb grazed the scar on Waverly’s forearm and she could feel her heart rate speed up. If Nicole isn’t at her apartment when she goes to check, she fears what it might do to Waverly.

“Babygirl, that red headed  _ fuck _ loves you. She wants you so badly she stole pills just to stay awake long enough to help us with our Earp bullshit.”

“But-“

“She chose to stay when things got hard and now she’s choosing to leave. We have to give her that space. She’ll come back to you.”

Blue eyes met hazel and Waverly finally nodded her head and took a step back. Wynonna's eyes dropped to Waverly's forearm and the young Earp followed her gaze. 

“I’ll be fine.” Waverly strained. 

“I know you will, but if you  _ ever _ feel that shit creeping up again you find help. If not me, anybody. Doc, Nedley, Chrissy. You have people who love you so much, Waves. Please find someone if you need us.”

Waverly nodded again, not mentioning the demons in her head that surfaced earlier that day. She was able to keep them at bay long enough to find distraction by cleaning the house and didn’t want to worry her sister, 

“I will, Wynonna. I’ll be fine.”

Wynonna only nodded back, the intense worry for her younger sister was slowly carving a hole in her chest, leaving it hollow and hard to breathe. 

“I’m going to check her apartment. Stay here, Doc will be over for a late dinner, he’s gonna stay here for a few days and help us figure shit out.”

With those words, Wynonna was out the door, borrowing Waverly’s Jeep and on her way to Nicole’s apartment.

* * *

  
Nicole was out of purgatory within an hour, the town so comically small it only took a left turn then and a slight right to make it past city limits. The radio played softly in the background but she couldn’t hear any of it. Calamity snoozed peacefully in the passenger seat, unbothered by the bumps in the road. 

She felt numb, like this all wasn’t real. It reminded her of when she came to Purgatory in the first place. She was running from the mistakes she made in the past and now she’s running away from Purgatory and the mistakes she’s made in her present. It was poetic almost, and she wondered when her life became such a tragedy. 

Was it a direct result from the Bulshar slaughter? Or maybe she’s just cursed, like the Earp’s.

Nicole chuckled out loud, Calamity looked at her though squinted eyes, 

“Ya hear that Janie? I’m just as cursed as those damn Earp’s. Maybe even worse, huh? At least they can see their demons.”

The cat ignored her, and the sardonic smile dropped from her face quickly. She was starting to feel tired, she fished around and grabbed one of the adderalls that loosely floated in her pocket and popped it in her mouth, swallowing a mouth full of water from an old bottle. The water was stale from sitting in her car for a few days but it helped her swallow the pill easily. 

She could just stay awake for a few days driving, maybe by that time she’ll find a motel to rest and eat. 

_ “We’ll see,” she thought.  _


End file.
